Shut up and eat

No. 10 You know if the chef has bathed today
No. 9 The hair in the soup is familiar.
No. 8 You know if the fish is fresh, how long you’ve had the produce and the expiration date on the milk
No. 7 There are no mystery ingredients or "secrets" in the sauce
No. 6 It's ok to lick your fingers.
No. 5 You don’t have to worry if the waiter spit in your food.
No. 4 The Health Department is not stopping by to rate your kitchen
No. 3 You know if the pork chop fell on the floor.
No. 2 The 5 second rule may be invoked
No. 1 You look hot in an apron

I was about to say, this week in food – only I remembered today is Sunday.
The stories you are about to read are last week in food – which I guess makes them leftovers.

January 12 rang in the grand Re-opening of the South Pasadena Pavilions.
I’m still scratching my head at what was so grand about the whole thing. The store went through a renovation, the type that I think company owners’ hope will help it compete with the Whole Foods, and Bristol Farms of the world.

Gone are the rickety metal shopping carts, replaced now with toast colored plastic models that resemble Playskool carts on steroids. Even the cart corrals have been updated to some plastic and metal thing that looks like it is part of some adult sized erector set.

The Produce section appears to have become some throw back to country days with fake wooden bins holding the fruit and vegetables. These are set up so two carts may not pass each other without a jolly game of bumper cars ensuing. In fact, I believe all the aisles have contracted, making browsing difficult. An expanded Deli now features an olive bar, hot panini and foccacia and a serve your own soup station. The Freezer section appears to have suffered the least damage; while the Cold Food case has grown to the point where the eggs now live on an end cap. I still walk to where I think the cheese should be only to find beer.

The décor, besides the farm style produce stands is faux Craftsman meets autumn colors. Its all new, its all pretty and I’m sure in time it will grow on me.
I’m just thinking the old way wasn’t so bad. Who needs an olive bar anyway?

January 13 the Chia Pet lettuce on the counter began to die. I was robbed! The lady at the Farmers Market said the head of live lettuce would continue to grow for two weeks if kept in a glass of water. And I had only had it for a week. However, during that week I discovered not one, but two heads of lettuce attached to the roots. It appears that I had Siamese twins. The lettuce by the way was exceptional and cost less than the stuff sold at the new and improved supermarket. I just knew live lettuce for two weeks was too good to be true…

And on the weather front…
Thank god for blue sky and dry ground. Here in Southern California that is cause for breaking out the barbecue for a little nighttime grilling. So what if I cooked steaks by flashlight. Roasted meat hot off the grill is the best.

Someone thought I needed nuts, five pounds of nuts. Nuts still sitting in the shell: walnuts, brazil nuts, almonds, hazelnuts and pecans. What the hell am I going to do with all these nuts? Get crackin’ comes immediately to mind.

I once owned a nut cracker – not the festive wooden soldier type but one of those metal contraptions that looked like a small pair of tongs or chop sticks attached at one end. Don’t know where it is. Ah, but I do have a tool box – hammer, pliers, drill – ok maybe the drill isn’t the tool for this job. So shelling nuts I must go…

I consider the gift bag of nuts one of my annual Christmas boobie prizes. We all get them – the gift that leaves you scratching your head wondering, If the thought is really what counts what were you thinking?
At least this one is edible. But I am still left with the question, what to do with five pounds of mixed nuts. I could put a few in a bowl to set out for guests. Invite the neighborhood squirrels over for a feast. Make almond paste, candied pecans, toasted walnuts, glazed hazelnuts – it’s those darn Brazil nuts that throw me for a loop. Have you ever met anyone that loves a Brazil nut? Have you any recipes that call specifically for them? Send them to me.

The Brazil nut project begins.

I feel compelled to write something today, this being the first day of a New Year and all. But I’ve slept most of the day away. The few hours I've been awake, I've spent in front of the television drinking coffee and eating chocolate biscotti. Save for a short trip to the local market, I can’t say I’ve begun the year with a bang or much in the way of production. Could this be the year of the sloth?
Do sloths like biscotti?